Happy Singles Awareness Day.

I'm not going to hate on Valentines Day, I'm sure being able to celebrate it is great. When you were 8 your counted how many Valentines cards you got. Then when you were in middle school and high school you would hope that your name was on one of those roses that got passed out. It was always a secret competition, who could get the most roses (not counting the ones from Mom) or the most candy or cards, just to try to boost your self esteem because obviously more people loved you hah. Well here I am 21 years later, with a card on my counter from my grandparents wishing me a happy Valentines day. I spent the morning going to church by myself, with the power still off from the storm. Then venturing out to Royse City to visit my grandfather's grave, were I sat by myself in a open cememtery all alone with the wind and cold blowing all around. My grandfather was one of the most influential people in my life, so I grabbed a donut and sat and talked to him. Damn, this sounds pretty depressing. But in a weird way it wasn't. I then grabbed lunch with one of my best friends, and he mentions to me how he always wondered why I was totally ok with doing my own thing. It's like I like being alone sometimes. Don't get the wrong idea, I don't want to end up the single cat lady and live totally isolated from society. I love people, I love being around them. I want to find that someone to give cheesy Valentines day cards too, and I love that feeling that being loved gives you. Maybe next year my valentines date won't "get sick" like he did today, or who knows maybe it will be spent with my cat and a bottle of wine again. I haven't even heard from my own family all day haha. We shouldn't have to have one specific day to tell people that you love them, make that everyday. No matter where the people I love are, they should always know I love them. Simply put, spread the love.

Be Bold.

Those two words can describe one of the most difficult tasks. To go outside our comfort zone, do something we never would have imagined, and never stop believing. To proclaim our faith and hope we're not rejected because of it, to have that freedom to express and speak, but be shunned from reality. But never stop being bold.

Discouragement. A word that has seemed to describe my last last two months. A failed attempt at trying to find a job, that constant fear of being denied or turned away. Failed attempts at relationships, wondering HOW MANY TIMES do we have to hear and deal with the same emotion before something finally goes right. But then I heard this: "your past is like a file cabinet, everything life moment you've had, you've learned something from. Next time your in a similar situation, look back, open that file and see what you did, and what to do different." Change yourself. Then I heard about my parents story, they bought a house today after 2 years of searching for the right one, at the right time, for the perfect price. God will give us His abundance blessing, keep pursuing, never give up, and be bold.

oh hello world, it's been a while

I honestly forgot about this thing for a while. *gasp* Until a good friend was telling me about hers, so here's back to the writing world. Who knows will read this... So here's to the good glass of wine sitting next to me and my papers that I should be writing, but instead I'll write about the crazy thoughts inside my head.

Crazy. What a word that can mean so many things. I just talked to this guy who wants to drive home to Vail with me, and he goes "this is kinda wierd..This guy from Canada who you've met twice is going to drive back to Vail with you." I was like well when you say it out loud it sounds kinda crazy, but I have a good feeling about this, plus how boring is life when you don't do something a little weird. You'll at least have a good laugh about it a few years from now. But crazy is a term that has different measure to everyone. So my thought to everyone, go do something you wouldn't normally do... and enjoy.

I saw a friend at dinner tonight, and she was talking about a job interview she had.... again the idea of getting a job in 6 months leaves me awake at night.... next year at this point: Where in the World is Chantal? Always a solid question.

Saw another friend, well friend is a term defined loosely here. He's my ex's cousin, and my best friends ex, who we worked FCA with... so I ask him how life was, he goes for ten minutes talking about himself. Didn't ask one question. Yea, it's an awkward situation. But, I find that extremely rude.... so my other thought to people out there, always ask how someone is, everyone loves talking about themselves.

At this point I've learned to give up control. I can't control relationships, what people believe, life, school, the future. I can't make something happen if it's not meant to be. But we're do you cross that line between pursuing and forcing something?

Alright 11pm, let the homework begin...