Sleepless in Dallas.

It's 12:20 am. I have to wake up at 4:50. Do the math.

But I can't sleep. I simply lost track of time tonight, realized it was 10:40, crawled in bed, and have been laying here ever since. My worst fear, what I absolutely hate the most is being ignored. I find that the most unattractive and disrespecting thing you can do someone. It's telling them that they are not worthy of your 5 min to talk to them. And I hate that. What I love and hate is that you challenge me. This isn't easy for me. You call me out on my shit, tell me to chill out and stop being weird, and I can't argue with that. You've made me face my fears and aren't responding not that you don't like me or want to end things, but that you wont. I hate easy relationships, but geez this is the farthest thing from easy. You've challenged me in every sense I know how. From not being here, to not knowing when I'm going to see you, to calling me out on my faults, to liking me after I act like a crazy person, to getting over my insecurity, to finding out my confidence limit, to making me stand on my own and not come running to you everytime the world is going to fall.

He has Risen! He has Risen Indeed!

Happy Easter!

Today is what separates our faith, from the rest. What defines Christianity. That redemption, that simple task of believing that Christ died and rose again on the third day.

…broken and humbled at the foot of the cross

…washed and cleansed in the blood of Christ

…quiet and still in reverential awe

…passionate and certain of his resurrection

…willing and wanting to proclaim the Gospel.

So here's to the day, that Christ made the ultimate sacrifice.

Sacrifice, what a word. A word that is defined as giving something up. That act of selflessness. Christ gave up his life, so we may have an eternal life.

I was thinking today just in my own life the sacrifice we give up in relationships.

That freedom, independence, but we gain so much more. It's that sacrifice of giving up you're own wants and desires to meet theirs. To adjust our dreams so we can accompany them. When we want the independence, we get the stage 5 clinger. When we want that love, we see them gone, unable to give that attention at that moment. It's a constant sacrifice and learning to give and take in relationships. I got a text saying I was tiring to chase, and I should stay in one spot. Why should I sacrifice if I never liked you? Ahhh it's a cruel cruel world. muhahaha.

There are days that I know I can't complain to the one now, because I know he needs my support rather than my bitching. But at the end of this endless crazy world, where not a lot makes sense, where you can begin to like someone so much but can't feel their touch, where someone can make you rethink everything, where you have to be both independent and dependent, say yes and no, strong when there is nothing more you want than to just run in his arms and hide from the world, to simply lock yourself in the closet and cry out to the most sovereign God and ask why, when nothing make sense, it all simply does. In 5 weeks, I'm diving off the deep end into the real world, this surreal feeling that I know God simply has me in the palm of His hand.

Thank you Jesus.